It’s What’s Inside That Counts

Content warning: terminal illness of a child
Originally published in Fantasy Magazine

โ€œI canโ€™t believe I have to miss Pig Day,โ€ my twin brother Jeremy complained. He picked at the white medical tape on the back of his hand. The machine next to his bed whirred as it dispensed another drop of clear medicine into the tube attached to his arm.

I shrugged. โ€œItโ€™s just a dead pig,โ€ I said, downplaying my own excitement about the dissection planned for class that day. Pig Day was a rite of passage for all the fourth graders in our school, the first time that many of us would ever touchโ€”or even seeโ€”a real live dead thing. Jeremy and I had been looking forward to it all summer, back when the doctors thought heโ€™d be well enough to return to school by the fall.

โ€œYouโ€™re gonna video it for me though, right?โ€

I patted the iPhone in my pocket. โ€œDefinitely.โ€

โ€œEmily!โ€ my mother shouted from downstairs. โ€œBus is here!โ€

โ€œComing!โ€ I slung my backpack over my shoulder. โ€œLater, nerd.โ€

His voice followed me down the hall as I ran for the stairs. โ€œTry not to barf!โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not gonna barf!โ€

The truth was, I didnโ€™t know how Iโ€™d react to the dissection. I couldnโ€™t imagine poking around in a dead pigโ€™s guts. I wondered how they would feel. Would they be squishy and warm, like spaghetti? Or cold and jiggly, like Jello? My stomach turned at the thought.

I was definitely gonna barf.

It was a small class, only nine studentsโ€”ten if Jeremy had been there. We gathered around the large table at the front of Mrs. Collinsโ€™ science lab, each of us outfitted in plastic smocks, rubber gloves, medical masks, and oversized goggles. We looked like the worldโ€™s youngest, most incompetent surgical team.

On the table was a dead pig in a stainless steel tray. I expected the pig to be pink like the ones in the movies, but it wasnโ€™t. Its flesh was a sickly gray color, with a rubbery consistency that reminded me of a popped birthday balloon.

Mrs. Collins held up a scalpel. โ€œAre we ready?โ€ The other students nodded.

โ€œWait!โ€ I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my iPhone, quickly swiping to the camera app. โ€œSo Jeremy can see,โ€ I explained. I tapped the Record icon. โ€œOkay, ready.โ€

โ€œAll right! Here we goโ€ฆโ€ The teacher sliced the skin on the pigโ€™s stomach. I watched through the iPhone, grateful to have a screen between me and the pig. It wasnโ€™t so bad that way, more like watching a YouTube video than something happening in real life.

For the next ten minutes, Mrs. Collins expertly dissected the pig, explaining each organ as she went. They all looked lifeless and gray, especially on the video. But then a glint of bright silver caught my eye.

โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€ I asked, pointing my finger at the metallic gleam inside the pig.

โ€œOh, that!โ€ Mrs. Collins said, smiling. โ€œThat, young lady, is the timepiece.โ€ She moved aside another organ to reveal what looked like an antique pocket watch inside the pig.

โ€œThe timepiece?โ€ I leaned in to get a closer look. โ€œIt looks like a watch.โ€

โ€œYes, it does, doesnโ€™t it?โ€ She dug her fingers under it and lifted it out of the pig. The thin pink membrane holding it in place stretched, then tore. The timepiece slipped out of the membrane and into the teacherโ€™s palm. It was coated in pale pink slime. She delicately wiped it with a rag until it was clean. โ€œWould you like to hold it? I can record for you.โ€

I nodded and handed her the phone. She placed the timepiece in my hand, then turned the camera toward me. The timepiece appeared to be made of silver, with a complex pattern carved into its case. Underneath its clear glass lens was an intricate timekeeping mechanism with dozens of interlocking gears. A needle-thin second hand teetered on an axle in the center, pointing to a series of tick marks rimming the edge. The second hand was still. I watched it intently for a few seconds, hoping it would start moving. But it didnโ€™t.

โ€œItโ€™s stopped,โ€ I said quietly. My throat suddenly felt tight. I looked up at the teacher. โ€œMrs. Collins?โ€

โ€œYes, Emily?โ€

โ€œDo I have a timepiece?โ€

โ€œWhy, of course. We all have a timepiece.โ€

โ€œWill mine stop?โ€

She nodded solemnly. โ€œSomeday. But not anytime soon.โ€

โ€œHow do you know?โ€

โ€œBecause youโ€™re young. You have plenty of time. Now, Mr. Witherspoon, on the other handโ€ฆโ€ she said, dropping the name of our curmudgeonly old principal. The rest of the students laughed. I didnโ€™t.

โ€œTake it back.โ€ I thrust the timepiece at the teacher. โ€œI donโ€™t want it.โ€

Surprised, she lowered the camera and took the timepiece from me. โ€œOh. Okay. Thatโ€™s fineโ€”โ€

A swell of rage exploded in my chest. โ€œI donโ€™t want to have a timepiece!โ€ I yelled. โ€œI donโ€™t want any of us to have a timepiece. I hate that thing. I hate it!โ€ Tears pooled in the rims of my safety goggles. An awkward silence filled the room. โ€œI need to go home,โ€ I mumbled, suddenly exhausted. โ€œPlease, can I go home?โ€

When I arrived back home, I ran up to Jeremyโ€™s bedroom and pushed open the door. An episode of Spongebob was playing on the TV. Jeremy was asleep. I watched him in silence for a moment, listening to the quiet beeping and hissing of the various monitors surrounding his bed. Then I crawled into his bed next to him, being careful not to dislodge the tube in his arm. He stirred. His eyes fluttered open.

โ€œHey.โ€ His voice was raspy. โ€œHow was Pig Day?โ€

I shrugged. โ€œIt was okay.โ€

โ€œDid you barf?โ€

โ€œNope.โ€

โ€œThen why did you come home early?โ€

I propped myself up on one elbow and looked at his face. His skin was pale, almost gray. โ€œI just wanted to.โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ He swiped at his nose as if checking for a booger. โ€œWhat are you looking at?โ€

โ€œNothing.โ€ I lay down beside him and stared at the ceiling.

โ€œCan I see the video?โ€

After a long pause, I said, โ€œUmโ€ฆโ€

โ€œEmilyyyyโ€ฆโ€ he whined. โ€œYou forgot?โ€

โ€œSorry.โ€

โ€œYou promised!โ€

โ€œTrust me, you didnโ€™t miss anything.โ€

โ€œAre you sure?โ€

I thought about the timepiece, about the thing inside of meโ€”inside of himโ€”ticking away the time, moment by moment, day by day. Then I moved closer to him until I could feel his arm against mine.

โ€œIโ€™m sure.โ€


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