Attention, Travelers. Due to circumstances entirely within our control—but beyond our collective will to change—all arrivals at Hope Station have been indefinitely postponed, and the Station is now closed. Travelers entering the Station should abandon Hope and proceed to the exits immediately.

Travelers currently en route to Hope Station will be diverted to alternate dimensions, with stops at Disappointment, Disillusionment, Depression, and Despair. Travelers may disembark at any of these dimensional gateways, where Administration officials will provide you with long-term accommodations. If you have already passed through all these dimensions, please alert the Administration—you may be eligible for a free transfer to Dissociation, which is lovely this time of year.

While all arrivals are cancelled, departures from Hope Station will continue as scheduled. Residents departing Hope from surrounding neighborhoods, including Truth and Reality, should pack enough essential items for at least four years. Be sure to leave ample room for student loan debt, generational trauma, or anything else you are unable to leave behind. Transportation of optimism of any kind is strictly prohibited.

Once packed, proceed immediately to Hope Station, descend the moving stairs to Departures, and board the blue transport with the elderly gentleman in the pilot’s seat. Be sure to fasten your seatbelts, as forecasts call for severe turbulence en route to your destination. Upon departure, Travelers leaving Hope may experience nausea, uncontrollable sobbing, and impotent rage. If you feel ill, thoughts and prayers are available at no extra charge.

All aboard!

Next stop, Fascism.

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